He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
