They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
