just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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