Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
