we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
