Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
