DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
