just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
