Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
