Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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