Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You've changed since you got that strap on
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