She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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