You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
