Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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