I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
