My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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