I wish I could teleport
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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