Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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