Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
