i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
