She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
