she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
