I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
