you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
