Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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