I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
