i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
