your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
