i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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