rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
wow bdsm is so cute
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
