Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
