I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
