wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
