so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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