is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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