I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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