she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
