he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
