the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
