The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
