last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
