Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
