at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
