Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
