2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
