stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
