I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
