I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
