Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
