I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When are your genitals available?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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