sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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