I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found puke in my bra..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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