I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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