i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
