the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
