i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
