All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
