At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
