you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
