All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
