Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
