I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
