Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
