I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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