my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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