I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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