Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
