so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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